Aries
March 21 – April 19
We know you have no filter. That being said, we don’t need to hear about your late-night escapades.
Taurus
April 20 – May 20
If you’re looking for a serene Saturday, you won’t find it here.
Gemini
May 21 – June 20
Stop trying to argue with your crush! It’s not helping!
Cancer
June 21 – July 22
Your roommates’ problems are not yours.
Leo
July 23 – August 22
Please remember you went to a frat last Saturday, not a Fred Again concert.
Virgo
August 23 – September 22
So you want to feel useful? Have you thought about pledging?
Libra
September 23 – October 22
Wake up. You’re not going to pass your next econ exam magically.
Scorpio
October 23 – November 21
You’re giving off Sloan Peterson…but it works for you.
Sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
Stop yelling on the 3rd floor of the library. Everyone knows it’s you.
Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
We get it, you have a job secured post-grad. Maybe try and have some fun while you’re here.
Aquarius
January 20 – February 18
Listening to classic rock doesn’t make you different.
Pisces
February 19 – March 20
So your new sneaky link wears Baccarat Rouge 540? Just like your ex? It’s not a sign.
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